Happy April readers!
I was about to call it a night on this blessed Wednesday when I realized I had not posted today. I had not posted because I had too much going on personally that I had to deal with. Don't we all? 😩😌
With tears running down my cheeks, I was encapsulated in moments of anger and deep frustration because I had been mostly misunderstood, ill-treated or not heard. Moments of extreme darkness like my childhood dream, where I was falling endlessly with no light in sight.
This picture I painted is what anger and bitterness does to the soul. You carry it and everything around you becomes infested until it dies. A small seed germinates and becomes a living tree that has taken root. You wonder if there is ever a soul that listens. Even prayers seem not to work. As humans we can be overwhelmingly sweet and bitter. We possess the power to create and destroy. It is with this mindset that I write tonight.
It is so much easy to keep pretending that I am whole or to be honest and keep picking the broken pieces of my life one after the other. I realize that life is too short to dwell on the hurts I feel or the moments I feel slighted and undermined. A little voice inside my head screams for the light even at my weakest. I want to be daring, I want to be strong but I am just another girl, yes powerful, yet so fragile.
Perhaps, you are one like me, who seeks to please everyone and in the end feels the most rejection. You seek to have a friend but you just end up getting hurt. But you know recently, God started dealing with all that within. Stripped me away from my comfort zone and showed me my true self. I was shocked at how foolish I could be, thinking that a million friendship could satisfy or heal me and how much more I still have to learn...#BigSigh
I am woman like you and I need to be seen, held and reminded and cheered up unto the finish line in this man's world. Yea, so I think.. Maybe all that shouldn't be my focus.
No, I don't want to be bitter and angry all the time, just given a little credit and be listened to I say.. still arrant nonsense.. Maybe, I got it all wrong! Maybe, just maybe I am not focusing my energy right.
These are the rambling thoughts we often struggle with, maybe yours might be slightly different, but this is my reality right now. I don't know who this might help but know that you are not alone in this world and that seasons come and go! First comes darkness and then there's light. First comes the hurt and bitterness then comes forgiveness and healing. I realize the happiest people aren't those without offenses or frustration but those who acknowledge offenses for what they are and master control over it.
As a woman, I am telling myself today I am enough, I am beautiful, I am special! I will wear this light like it is the last thing I must today. I would have won this battle if there was no tomorrow, just because I chose to celebrate this moment of light! This moment where I recognize that I am not without flaws and I am imperfect, yet I choose to forgive all this hurt and let go every bitterness in exchange for light.
Dear woman, inhale, exhale and choose to win! That is the power you and I share! The power to carry light and walk light. Exchange every baggage for something lighter. We forgive not because we are better than those who offend us but because we hope to receive the same fair treatment when we err against others.
Dearest woman! Take a moment and pride yourself in your serenity today. Perhaps, it is a little flawed, then I dare you to let go and breathe freely like I am right now. We are not promised a forever but we are promised eternity. And I promise you, the people we care about the most possess the power to hurt us the most. So, you see, you must carry enough light for all these special people.
You all are my WCW today!
Listen if you can to India Arie's I am Light.
Live the best you can while loving all and never forget to laugh out loud.