I wish I could tell you that all our insecurities go away as we mature. Ladies, you cannot help the number of stretch marks around your fine areas as you birth children except of course you get surgical help or not 🤷🏽♀️..
I wish I could tell you that dyeing your hair darker would stop your gray hairs from forming. So many things I wish I could tell ya. Single folks, I wish I could tell you that sex becomes an everyday meal after marriage. Here’s what I can tell you; choose your battles carefully and wisely as time and age happens to you.
Every man or woman deals with insecurities daily. No matter your height, talent, beauty or wealth, there are thoughts that dance daily around your mind right? Maybe the thoughts that others are better than you or far ahead and then mid-life crisis happens. Wheew! Well, I've got great news for you. You will see that our insecurities/security are usually either words spoken by others or low-key covetousness in the mind that you struggle to keep up with.
Who/what determines beauty? Man
Who/what determines the right size? Man
Who/what determines smart? Man
Who/what determines successful? Man
Who/what determines strength? Man
But who determines unique? You!
When I was much younger, I was an athlete, it was a natural ability and when I ran, I felt my body move with the wind in a way that was special. What made me better and confident was 1. practice and 2. watching my late dad & my mom cheer me so loudly from the sidelines and I would run faster. I was a secure and confident runner until puberty kicked in..
I was a late bloomer, but when I bloomed, I began developing huge “embarrassing” breasts. Mind you, my breasts were a bit moderate but I was too skinny to handle these babies I guess. These babies began to make me feel insecure. The thing I did so effortlessly became a burden that I shied away from it. I still run but on a treadmill nowadays..Lol
I watched my mom struggle to find me bras sometimes. If you’ve seen my mom, to me, she is the Queen of beauty(inward and outward). She became my standard of beauty and I wanted my breast to look like hers. I tried so hard to wear sport bras to keep them from showing. It was that serious. My mom didn’t mean to make me feel bad, but when she said that I got my endowed breasts from my grandmothers, I was furious and I wept on the inside, because all I wanted was her kind of breasts not my grandmothers’.
Fast forward to when the boys showed up..
So, tell me, why do men love boobs? .
The attention that it got me was so weird that I became mean to boys. I’m sure some girls are like, give me your boobs please.. let’s exchange.. . But really, I was like you don’t love me, you love my breast, boy-bye 🏾♀️(forgive me all the guys reading). Let's laugh a little..
As much as I’d like to tell you that I’m over it, that'll be dishonest. My husband even likes for me to expose some cleavage, but I’m too stuck and I try. God knows I detox from it and try to feel free and not too conscious.
What are some of your insecurities?
I have a couple more.. like my voice. I seem to be the only one who doesn’t like to hear me sing. But when I started dealing with the source of that and why? I began to embrace my uniqueness.
My point today is that, some of our insecurities come from what our minds have set as standards. The danger in that is, restricting yourself from fulfilling your highest potential in life.(my breast must fulfill their highest potential with my husband)...lol. Finding the right balance between confidence and insecurity could be a little hard but most of us instead settle for insecurity.
All my married folks in the house, where you at? 🏾. Thou shalt not judge! I was super insecure about trust when I first got married. I was a “phone toucher.” Super FBI agent . I would snoop and you wouldn’t even know it until I snooped and got myself in trouble and it triggered many insecurities. My husband is so secure it hurts. He definitely has other insecurities but he is secure enough to trust me. He sure doesn’t snoop. I have no choice but to change all my bad habits . Maybe your isn't trust, maybe yours is your teeth..lol. My handsome cousin who came to visit us when we were kids once made fun of my teeth. I instantly became insecure that I refused to smile with my teeth open.
- If you “snoop” around your spouse’s phone to secretly find out if they’re talking to someone else, you’re insecure. Sorry..deal with it, don’t shoot the messenger.
- If you randomly criticize for no reason or you subconsciously in your mind wish you had the freedom to do what others do/did, you’re insecure. This one is for us Christians.. We are Ministers of Critical Affairs. lol
- If you feel the need to talk about yourself and your achievements all the time, you’re insecure.
- If you feel like you are never heard when you speak, deal with it now, you’re insecure.
- If you’re timid, you’re insecure.
- If you’re vindictive, you’re insecure.
- If you seek to be noticed - there are unhealthy “notice me or I die,” folks, you’re insecure
- If you're always skeptical and think things are always too good to be true or you expect things to always go wrong, you’re insecure.
- If you lose weight, not for yourself or your health, but for another, you're insecure. With this weight issue, you will always live on the edge, so find the right balance for you and your partner. Deal with your size and be healthy with it. Genes aren't cheap and can't be bought. It's who you are.
And the list goes on and on..
I could tell you that I am a master, but I would be lying. I could share tips on how I overcome my insecurities and push myself to ground breaking territories in my mind and in action.
- Detox, Detox, Detox Your Mind!
- Admit your insecurities.
- Pray about it. Prayer doesn’t remove your insecurities. It reveals it.
- Find out your “light bulb” moment. The moment you coveted, the moment you were no longer enough.
- Be Your own Standard. Be who God says you are. Some of us haven't heard it from Him in a while. This is truly where Kemi Gwan's confidence comes from and of course from a loving family.
I hope these steps that I practice helps someone work out their insecurities to confidence.