Friday, May 18, 2018

REAL ROMANCE - Part 1


In light of the recently passed Mother’s Day, I figured I’d start with the African woman. I must say I celebrate the knowledge and strength that most of the women in our generation exude. It shows that we have come a very long way from being relegated, subjugated and unheard! Women are powerfully taking strides and a big thanks to the women who paved the way for us! We do not take your sacrifices for granted. It is from this perspective that I humbly write and one day will speak about the importance of paving easier roads for our sons and daughters.

Ever heard the saying that African men are unromantic?

Well, here is my first honest answer. They had/have “unromantic-unaffectionate” mothers!

Show me an affectionate African man and I will point you his mother πŸ˜‰πŸ€·πŸ½‍♀️.
What the men lack, the women continue to crave.


My narrative is from the African cultures perspective. It is a bit personal. Personal in the sense that I watched my Parent’s generation closely (like I was in the know) and then a bit of mine.

Id like to hear your thoughts on this topic please..πŸ€”

I learned over time and I have seen that in Africa, the affection infused into the average male child is provision in terms of money, education, security and power, while the average female-child is forced/taught to serve him and look to him for survival (this is not true in every female’s case…but the majority).

In history, the African woman is nothing short of a goddess in my opinion, full of energy and power. However, circumstances forced her to cope and become tough! Her survival instincts took over her ability to show pure affection. The African woman taught her sons to become kings and from the knowledge passed down from her ancestors she thrived to raise giants! Mostly, the African woman had to strive to please one man in the midst of other women; her co-wives, where envy and jealousy dictated the course of her emotional well-being. She was sometimes battered and neglected, but still drove her sons to be mostly preferred, and often  forgot to teach her sons to CARE for the most delicate part of him - HER, a woman! 


I am also forced to think about the African woman slave in America, who had to endure the hardship of being thought of as a second class human. Her emotions were reduced to anxious survival rather than peaceful affection. Her children didn't have the best of her, but she survived! She did the best she could in the hardest way possible. While, I am not focusing on the skin color today, I am painting a picture of what makes the African woman tough. Why she is often misunderstood. Why she seems so fierce when she doesn't intend to... her affection was forcefully taken over by the need to become an acceptable human in the world of men...

One day, the white-man invented television's romance and I think they messed up what African folks had going for them πŸ˜‚. Do not hate on me for this… I am cracking myself up already.
But for real, if provision and survival were truly enough, why are my African women all over the world struggling and craving to be heard, loved, seen, accepted, touched and romanced?? There is a disconnect. Something has been passed down. If you were given time machine to use, you would marvel at what the women had to endure. It is rich but also broken.. It is the unspoken brokenness that lives in our genes..

As a young girl, I often wondered why my late dad found it difficult to hug us as children many years ago. He loved us and I knew very much that he would give his life for us but he just couldn't bring himself to hold and touch his own wife and children. Some of my friends would attest to this very thing. All that changed when we relocated to America years ago of course and I realized that affection can be taught and also learned..

Many of our mothers remained married but also remained unhappy because of this unspoken problem. They endured marriage but didn't enjoy it. It made it difficult for them to share their happiness because there was none to share. After all, you can't give what you don't have. All they had to share was their pain and endurance in marriage. 

So, ladies are we just gullible and craving for what we see on TV? Is Romantic affection real? Did coming to America change me? Can romance/affection be taught to our sons and daughters? These are some of the questions I have for this first part...

Enjoy!

#RealRomance

Kemi Gwan.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE, YOU CAN'T SOLVE!



Many of us have really good intentions but our delivery is often warped and selfish..
If intentions were enough we wouldn’t need to fix anything.. 🀷🏽‍♀️
You cannot be a problem solver if you are not open to context and perspective. (Talking to myself today, I promise).
Most of the successful people in the world are people who found a way to fix problems. They SAW a problem and then found a way to SOLVE it.

I have a confession πŸ™Š. I am a good talker okay.. I could talk your ear off and convince you to like what I like..
But this is not so good because good listeners SEE better.. I’m not saying all good listeners see better.. but you kinda get my point. Sometimes, you have to slow it way down baby.... slowwww down.. not too slow, you still need some fast and furious moments πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜œ
It takes someone who is willing to listen to another’s perspective to actually SEE where the other person is coming from. I know my hubby will be excited to see this write up because his baby girl just grew up πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

For people like me, half the time, all the words seem like a volcanic eruption in my mind and I just feel the need to launch that missile at someone else. Like yea.. you’re gonna hear me and me alone πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚..Talkathon...be mindful!

Ok so moving on..
Question of the day for everyone wanting to be successful; What problems do you see around you that you are inclined to solve?

I know some of us pray to be a blessing but I am beginning to understand that to be a blessing to my generation I’ll need to open up all of me to the many possibilities of other people’s perspective, opinions, ideologies, culture and lifestyles.

My life cannot be the same as yours and if I must be a blessing or a problem solver, I would need to walk in your shoes or allow my eyes be open through grace to serve in that capacity.

I might not like chocolate, but if my entire community loves chocolate and there’s a shortage.. the way to fix that is to figure out how to learn their likes, dislikes, taste buds and so on..,

Our generation is filled with many prospects at solving problems but we need to clear our vision of many things first. We need to learn to see clearly, listen to our world and then we can solve problems. Then our intentions will not be misunderstood because they aren’t enough... it takes wisdom coated vision and resilience to succeed at it!

Kemi Gwan.
♥️

Saturday, May 5, 2018

THE BLAME GAME




I try to look for a lesson in every living thing and the different circumstances around me.

This one might make you laugh today as it is about ants 🐜. Yea ants.. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
These tiny creatures are said to be some of the wisest ones 🀷🏽‍♀️. In some way, I kinda see how now. In the winter they’re nowhere to be found because they had spent all of spring and summer gathering all they need to survive the harsh winter.

Today, I watched as these particular ants had gathered around an onion I had cut in half last night. What I noticed was, one ant actually died. Perhaps too much onion juice killed it. Poor creature. However, I saw few more ants getting juices and bites and marching their way back to their hole or wherever they reside. I marveled that because one laid there dead didn’t stop them from trying, even if it meant their death too.

I know this illustration may be a bit stretched but if you think a little deeply about how relentless they are, you’ll be impressed too. 
If ants understand survival instinct and launch toward what seemed like an obstacle to try again and again, we humans can do better. Oh we’ve got to do better humans! πŸ˜‰πŸ˜œ

I can’t help but think about things I attempted/still attempting, just once and because I met one obstacle, I completely gave up on trying again. Some of us play the blame game and use it as an excuse to not move forward. We blame everyone but ourselves for the reason we can’t take a step further. This happened to me recently.. I almost shortchanged myself because someone else had a problem with my style of doing things. When a new opportunity came up to serve, I was too angry to step up because I was hurt.. well until I got over myself.

You refuse to try an audition because someone didn’t like your voice enough; Big time shortchanging. You don’t think you qualify for that position or promotion, because someone else went to a better school and you think they’re better than you. 🀭.
You blame your parents for not giving you a better life. You blame your spouse as the reason for your anger and bitterness. You blame your friend for not noticing that you need help or for not affirming you enough and the list goes on and on.. 😱

Listen, just because people die in car crashes everyday doesn’t mean we stop driving cars right? When will you have a honest seat down with yourself to change your own situation and not blame others for your failure. You failed once, twice, thrice.. ten times, so what? Try again! Don’t do it for anyone, do it for you!

Thomas Edison the inventor of the light bulb we all now use was asked: How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

Today if you are reading this, you are a survivor of some sort! You cannot afford to waste your life on expensive blocks of blaming others for your failures. Chin up! Try again! What doesn’t kill you, makes you strong πŸ’ͺ🏾.. literally in the case of those ants 🐜 
There are many steps to the greatness ahead!

Cheers to the Weekend!
Thank you for sharing your time to read from me.

Kemi Gwan.

Friday, May 4, 2018

I'M NOT DEPRESSED!


This is a True Story..



You can rehearse or memorize scriptures and be super depressed. Take all the antidepressants you can imagine and it won’t solve a thing. This is my story..
What if I told you that you had the key to free yourself this whole time, but you didn’t even know it. The sad truth is, so many of us have found a way to make depression a normalcy. You can’t cope without it. You say you want to be free but you are afraid of freedom. 🀷🏽‍♀️
Renewal of the mind is like going to the gym to workout when all your muscles are sore.. You still gotta go!



I remember some years ago, when I was depressed. I was battling rejection and my coping mechanism was to isolate myself and push people away unconsciously. I think of all my friends who misunderstood me and some just couldn’t take it and we fell out.(I am truly sorry).
Thing is I was perfect at coverups, I looked good and did things expected of me.
I functioned like a normal human being.
I knew scriptures, read the whole Bible many times and still missed the essence of it.
I’d like to blame the devil, but that would be a lie, because it had more to do with lack of understanding and acceptance of who God says I am. He says I am still His child despite my many mistakes.. I mean how do you reconcile that? God who is Holy and a sinner man like me?? It just didn’t make sense and I punished myself. Made myself into a punishing monster.. how many punishing monsters are in the building?? πŸ™†πŸ½‍♀️πŸ™†πŸ½‍♀️🀣🀣



You know that feeling of never enough, wanting to accomplish something or some height and after you get it, you feel empty.
I wanted so much to complete my degree, because to me, that was what needed to validate me as accomplished because someone made me feel like I was not good enough and my drive only fed those lies, it didn’t fulfill me. What drives you?? 🀷🏽‍♀️
No wonder I became depressed right after graduation. I felt empty. I felt something else was missing.



There are many men and women right now whom I believe that this would help.
You cannot be defined by things, toys, accomplishments or marriage even. If you marry just because you need validation, you will soon find out that that’s not what marriage was designed for. Marriage reveals our true nature and some of us aren’t even ready to face our true selves.
Many men and women around the world look normal but are feeling depressed, numb, abused and rejected. 



I know that there is a way out, but you’ve got to be honest and willing to accept it. God can turn it around for good if you let Him show you who you are and how to work out what the nay-sayers missed. What they missed is that God is infinitely steps ahead. πŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ.
You just need to do something a bit out of your comfort zone. Take one verse in scripture today and meditate on it. Try it again tomorrow and the next day after that.



I like this one: I often remind myself
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬



Like I tell those close to me, you have the authority(your will) to shut the devil(his job is to make you doubt and question what God says) and bend your mind to align with what God says! 



Today, I am free from depression, I apply the scriptures I know even when I hear a false whisper in my mind. I immediately know that’s not right. I now have a job and I am enjoying my marriage better everyday.
I love my friends all the more and i’m learning to open up like a lotus flower 😊 because that’s what God wants for me! To Bloom, To be Happy! This is one of my numerous testimonies πŸ˜…



Stay Happy 😊

Kemi Gwan

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

THIS LADY AT WORK



There’s this lady at work who's probably the most active and loudest person. She’s always talking and walking around throughout the day. For the past couple of weeks, I had been observing and now almost judging her as a busy body.
Immediately I heard in my heart: Kemi, that is not a fair judgement. The Holy Spirit told me to imagine if I was doing my job so efficiently and someone else starts judging me as a busy body, wouldn’t that hurt you, He quietly asked?
The worst part is, as of today, I realize that there are men constantly walking up and down too, but I regret to say, that as a woman, I am too harsh on my kind. No wonder Hillary didn't win as President of the United States..(Just had to put that out there).
I immediately felt remorseful and repented in my heart. If you judge others as gossip, you will soon reap the same. So, what does your heart immediately do when it sees others?

Women, I say this out of love and respect for us, but we are terribly bad at bad-mouthing each other and tearing each other down with our hearts and then it proceeds to the mouth. I am guilty. Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve been judging a particular person in your heart, and all of a sudden your girlfriend calls you and says; have you noticed that so so and so seems odd lately? I promise you, what is in your heart immediately reveals itself without you knowing it. I all of a sudden have more to say than I had bargained for. And the gossip and mocking begins. This is what God classifies as evil. There are some of us in ministry who pretend to pray, but truly wound up talking about other people’s problems, God frowns at it. Read Psalm 1:1-end.

What’s the point of all this, you say? If you want to be judged fairly, judge fairly in your heart. Everything we do, starts from the heart. If we don’t attack the false conclusions about our spouses or relationships, giving them the benefit of the doubt, like I did that lady, we would fall into a cycle of judgement, dispute and complains.


I can promise you I didn’t know how to give people the benefit of doubt and so no wonder I have experienced people who didn’t give me any. I used to just jump into conclusions but God is working on me indeed! If you are experiencing a bit of harshness around you, maybe, just maybe you have been sowing harshness. If you give people the benefit of doubt, if you choose to trust more, you'll reap it, pressed down, shaken together, running over in abundance.
Keep asking, keep changing, keep on learning! It is a journey of transformation not a theory of living!

Kemi Gwan

Monday, April 30, 2018

SORRY..



There is a distinction in each child’s emotion and their graceful little way of expressing it.
When children are upset, there are some who gravitate towards you, some who feel better after you say sorry, some would avoid you and go to the next safe person and there are those who cry themselves to sleep.
Interestingly these emotional traits develop into adulthood. If no one teaches us how to handle our emotions properly, we end up being poor managers of our emotions. In life, we would always be at the mercy of sorry. You’re either saying it, receiving it or waiting for it forever πŸ˜‚.

I remember when I was a child, my brother and I were masters of mischief. I don’t quite remember what it was that we’d done to get into my mom’s trouble, but we knew we were in trouble. Time progressed into the night and we were shocked that she didn’t spank us. I mean she served us a delicious meal, the whole nine yards of nice treat. So we thought we’d escaped being spanked.
In the middle of the night, I was visited with multiple strokes of the cane. (If your mom did this, you’re probably African πŸ˜‚). I was terribly angry that she’d waited until I fell asleep to do something so outrageously smart. πŸ˜­πŸ€£

Anyway, the morning came and I wanted to prove how angry I was by avoiding her.
To my utmost shock, my mom called me out during devotion, asked me to kneel and say good morning. That day I learned that no matter how hurt I was, I still had to kneel and say good morning to my parents. I had to learn to forgive without thinking about it..

Maybe my story doesn’t quite paint the picture for you, but to a degree you have to admit that forgiveness is a learned skill. It is not acquired from birth, but a skill that’s to be taught to children and a skill that adults must remember to teach themselves.

What category do you find yourself? Some of us need to hear SORRY to let go of a hurt, but in reality the sorry might never surface because they’re not your parents who hurriedly picked you up to say sorry when you were a child.

If you are married or single, please understand that you might be paired with someone that hasn’t learned the skill of saying sorry. If you wait for a sorry that’ll never come, you will soon start to resent the lover and you become the hater. 

Y’all know I like to be personal in my stories. I personally feel better after one sorry. However, when I got married(my hubby doesn’t know I’m sharing this πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š), I realized that he wasn’t the sorry kinda guy until he has evidence that he was truly wrong(a day that might never come right..). Meanwhile, me being a lawyer in my past life would dissect the matter just to hear him say sorry πŸ€“ because I am a natural sorry-giver. Time and energy wasted.. smh.


Anyhow, I had to consciously teach myself to forgive my husband without hearing the word sorry. This is not to excuse that he has to learn but the fact that I could spend my time developing myself rather than pick point at a standard that isn’t his cup of tea.
I learned a new skill and now it’s easy..

Have you learned the skill of saying sorry or moving on without one?
It is time for you to connect with the child in you.. discover that child.. figure out your emotional habit and then correct it and get better at building a relatable character.

Here are some emotional tantrums we display as adults.. they might remind you of your childhood..

  • Stonewalling:you build a wall around your heart, very impenetrable.
  • Silent treatment: you stop talking on purpose.
  • Malice: you think of hurting them
  • Nagging: you complain rather than discuss the hurt.
  • Lashing out: you burst out in anger saying things you didn’t mean to say
  • Hitting: you get violent
At the end of the day, we are never truly different from children. You are still a child inside who either runs away or toward a hurting situation and who is inclined to a Sorry!

Kemi Gwan.

Friday, April 27, 2018

RELEVANCE OF RECKLESS LOVE




Once upon a time there was a very wealthy man who had two sons. He had a large estate and his sons managed it with him. (Potential Boaz)☺☺

One day, the younger son got reckless in his heart and asked for all of his inheritance.
The kind father didn’t even question him but divided his wealth in half and gave the younger son his supposed “inheritance.” 
The younger son immediately packed up and moved away from his father to a different city.
He lavishly spent his money on women and enjoyed his freedom and wealth inherited from his father. He literally partied day and night and refused to invest. Then all of a sudden, he ran out of money.. Reality hit like a tsunami.

Home boy became so broke that he couldn’t afford to feed himself. Practically turned a beggar. Lol..Hmn hmn. He even became a slave,  just to eat. When pig’s feed start looking like burgers, you know it’s bad.
All of a sudden, a loud bell rang in his head and he remembered that he had a father who had more than enough to spare. He humbled himself, dragged his behind to go and ask for his father’s forgiveness.

As he took heavy steps back towards his father’s mansion, the first person to notice him afar off was his father (not his brother).. His father immediately became reckless by asking all his servants to throw a party for his son. His reckless son had become relevant and he was in fact the matter at hand. 

The older son, his own blood brother’s heart was selfish and he became angry because he thought that his father was being a bit over the top for a reckless son. He really thought he didn’t deserve a banquet. He thought about himself being the faithful and committed but had never had a banquet thrown on his behalf.. so wrong!

Many Christian veterans are like the older son, who misunderstood the topic of relevance in this case. A banquet is even the starting point of reckless love for a lost child. I mean when a banquet is thrown, EVERYONE is relevant. 
You partake in the food, the drinks, the dance, the dessert.. sheesh brother! The banquet was for you too.. How do we say we are out to reach out to our generation but the person right in your face, to whom you’re supposed to be a shining example, you literally not only condemn them in your heart but with your words and your prideful action 🀷🏽‍♀️🀷🏽‍♀️. You write them off, because they don’t dress like you or look like your family members..
But you see, God sees them from afar and He throws a party to welcome them home! Big Sigh. 

This hit home right here for me because I remember many times in my brokenness when I really needed help and I was in the Church hoping to be helped and accepted, I was cast away. I became an outcast among my own brothers and sisters. I was judged by my status as a single mother. I was branded and some of you have been branded sinners above sinners! Well, I have super great news for you, you are HOME! You can come right HOME! I know because I am that son, you are that son too! No matter how far gone you are, you can take your heavy steps right back to Him.
While some were busy wondering why I deserved a banquet, God had already ordered for the best robes be put on me. πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ. I am a princess of God and the Queen of His Heart.

I have found that relevance is in-fact very reckless. What do I mean? 
Maybe this write-up is for you if you are fighting everyday to be relevant in what you are committed to do. Don’t be grumpy on your commitment, because that bad attitude is lack of understanding and it could keep you from celebrating. Your attitude to 1 will be your attitude to 99, period. Remember the good shepherd leaves the 99 to chase 1  recklessly out of relevance.

The older son, thought one son was not deserving of a reckless love-coated banquet. But of course he was. When a child is born, we celebrate for only one child right. Even after 4 or 5 children, we still throw a celebration for the 6th and the 7th. Some women are graced! 
It’s the same attitude with our Father in Heaven, when one child is reborn, oh He gets the Angels to throw a party. Serious throw down.

Here’s the challenge to someone who’s busy worried about the crowd they’re supposed to feel relevant to or impact. You know and see yourself up there on a platform, but your attitude on the ground level about ONE victory stinks! You don’t rejoice over ONE milestone! You don’t celebrate it. How do you expect to celebrate when you reach a 1000 milestones?
It’s the same parallel with everything else.. your attitude to Marriage, Ministry, Family, Relationship, Career, Redemption of souls.. think about it! 

When I write like this, my focus is now on ONE person, just one person is enough for me to rejoice, because my attitude towards one, is my attitude to millions! Oh yes, I am not an expert, learning just like you on the job.

Change your attitude! Renew Your Mind Today! Let’s go be greater than yesterday family! Let’s do this! If you want to be relevant, learn from this story! Relevance is borne from Reckless Love and Passion πŸ˜‰. And when your brother or sister needs help, you better give yourself recklessly like your Father did for you already! We are already RELEVANT!




Listen to this beautiful song by Cory Asbury
Title: Reckless Love



Kemi Gwan.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

FROM ONE INSECURE ME TO ANOTHER





I wish I could tell you that all our insecurities go away as we mature. Ladies, you cannot help the number of stretch marks around your fine areas as you birth children except of course you get surgical help or not 🀷🏽‍♀️..
I wish I could tell you that dyeing your hair darker would stop your gray hairs from forming. So many things I wish I could tell ya. Single folks, I wish I could tell you that sex becomes an everyday meal after marriage. Here’s what I can tell you; choose your battles carefully and wisely as time and age happens to you.

Every man or woman deals with insecurities daily. No matter your height, talent, beauty or wealth, there are thoughts that dance daily around your mind right? Maybe the thoughts that others are better than you or far ahead and then mid-life crisis happens. Wheew! Well, I've got great news for you. You will see that our insecurities/security are usually either words spoken by others or low-key covetousness in the mind that you struggle to keep up with.

Who/what determines beauty? Man
Who/what determines the right size? Man
Who/what determines smart? Man
Who/what determines successful? Man
Who/what determines strength? Man

But who determines unique? You!

When I was much younger, I was an athlete, it was a natural ability and when I ran, I felt my body move with the wind in a way that was special. What made me better and confident was 1. practice and 2. watching my late dad & my mom cheer me so loudly from the sidelines and I would run faster. I was a secure and confident runner until puberty kicked in..
I was a late bloomer, but when I bloomed, I began developing huge “embarrassing” breasts. Mind you, my breasts were a bit moderate but I was too skinny to handle these babies I guess. These babies began to make me feel insecure. The thing I did so effortlessly became a burden that I shied away from it. I still run but on a treadmill nowadays..Lol

I watched my mom struggle to find me bras sometimes. If you’ve seen my mom, to me, she is the Queen of beauty(inward and outward). She became my standard of beauty and I wanted my breast to look like hers. I tried so hard to wear sport bras to keep them from showing. It was that serious. My mom didn’t mean to make me feel bad, but when she said that I got my endowed breasts from my grandmothers, I was furious and I wept on the inside, because all I wanted was her kind of breasts not my grandmothers’.

Fast forward to when the boys showed up..
So, tell me, why do men love boobs? πŸ™„
The attention that it got me was so weird that I became mean to boys. I’m sure some girls are like, give me your boobs please.. let’s exchange.. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. But really, I was like you don’t love me, you love my breast, boy-bye πŸ’πŸΎ‍♀️(forgive me all the guys reading). Let's laugh a little..
As much as I’d like to tell you that I’m over it, that'll be dishonest. My husband even likes for me to expose some cleavage, but I’m too stuck and I try. God knows I detox from it and try to feel free and not too conscious.

What are some of your insecurities?
I have a couple more.. like my voice. I seem to be the only one who doesn’t like to hear me sing. But when I started dealing with the source of that and why? I began to embrace my uniqueness.

My point today is that, some of our insecurities come from what our minds have set as standards. The danger in that is, restricting yourself from fulfilling your highest potential in life.(my breast must fulfill their highest potential with my husband)...lol.  Finding the right balance between confidence and insecurity could be a little hard but most of us instead settle for insecurity. 

All my married folks in the house, where you at? πŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™Œ. Thou shalt not judge! I was super insecure about trust when I first got married. I was a “phone toucher.” Super FBI agent πŸ˜œ. I would snoop and you wouldn’t even know it until I snooped and got myself in trouble and it triggered many insecurities. My husband is so secure it hurts. He definitely has other insecurities but he is secure enough to trust me. He sure doesn’t snoop. I have no choice but to change all my bad habits πŸ˜­. Maybe your isn't trust, maybe yours is your teeth..lol. My handsome cousin who came to visit us when we were kids once made fun of my teeth. I instantly became insecure that I refused to smile with my teeth open.

  • If you “snoop” around your spouse’s phone to secretly find out if they’re talking to someone else, you’re insecure. Sorry..deal with it, don’t shoot the messenger.
  • If you randomly criticize for no reason or you subconsciously in your mind wish you had the freedom to do what others do/did, you’re insecure. This one is for us Christians.. We are Ministers of Critical Affairs. lol
  • If you feel the need to talk about yourself and your achievements all the time, you’re insecure.
  • If you feel like you are never heard when you speak, deal with it now, you’re insecure.
  • If you’re timid, you’re insecure.
  • If you’re vindictive, you’re insecure.
  • If you seek to be noticed - there are unhealthy “notice me or I die,” folks, you’re insecure
  • If you're always skeptical and think things are always too good to be true or you expect things to always go wrong, you’re insecure.
  • If you lose weight, not for yourself or your health, but for another, you're insecure. With this weight issue, you will always live on the edge, so find the right balance for you and your partner. Deal with your size and be healthy with it. Genes aren't cheap and can't be bought. It's who you are.
And the list goes on and on..
I could tell you that I am a master, but I would be lying. I could share tips on how I overcome my insecurities and push myself to ground breaking territories in my mind and in action. 
  • Detox, Detox, Detox Your Mind! 
  • Admit your insecurities. 
  • Pray about it. Prayer doesn’t remove your insecurities. It reveals it.
  • Find out your “light bulb” moment. The moment you coveted, the moment you were no longer enough.
  • Be Your own Standard. Be who God says you are. Some of us haven't heard it from Him in a while. This is truly where Kemi Gwan's confidence comes from and of course from a loving family.

I hope these steps that I practice helps someone work out their insecurities to confidence.


Kemi Gwan.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

MINISTRY OF SELF



Conversations between a husband and wife after the honeymoon phase could sometimes go like this...
Husband: the problem I have with you is selfishness
Wife: I could say the same about you. How could you call me selfish after all I’ve done for you? Ask people okay, I’m very giving and selfless πŸ’πŸΎ‍♀️..
Husband: Yea right! 
Alright.. maybe yours isn’t that way but mine is super close πŸ˜…

So, confession time.. I have a natural instinct to look out for myself. Some would argue that it’s healthy but most times it is out of selfishness, not true love. 
True love is borne out of pain and my affinity for pain used to be quite low. 
After a devastating experience of pain, the capacity to love or hate increases. I chose love which requires forgiveness and it took grace and lots of different stages of healing and mind detox. 

Anyway, for a long time I had told myself that I was selfless and giving. I didn’t realize that there were levels to this.. I was at level 1 and my husband was like a 10 when I married him. So, yea I have a teacher πŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ˜†♥️πŸ™ŒπŸΎ.

Some of us truly cling to the scripture that says love your neighbor as yourself, but the love you have for yourself is quite flawed and selfish though 🀷🏽‍♀️
Selfishness has its levels.. you might never know how selfish you are until you get married πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Marriage revealed mine and at first I struggled, but I submitted myself eventually to learning(real tough).

Anyway, let’s do a reality check..
  • Helping others from your place of comfort. Anything that is out of your comfort zone irritates you, you are selfish.
  • You don’t like to share your time or space. You are selfish. 
  • You like your things a certain way. You are selfish.
  • Secluding yourself when you have been called. You say it’s privacy but in actual fact it’s selfishness. You can’t drink from others and others can’t drink from you, it’s selfishness
  • You’re unfriendly. To you everyone is bad, you say they’ll stab you in the back but have you thought that if every one that comes your way is bad, you seem to be the constant factor. It may be you and not them. You are πŸ€” selfish
  • You always want your will to be done. When other people’s opinions are picked over yours, you throw a tantrum, you seek for yours to be the ultimate one. It is your way or the highway. You are disappointed when it’s not acknowledged. My sister you are selfish.
  • You are not a good listener. You are selfish.
  • You are impatient and irritable. My brother you are selfish.
  • You get angry easily, oh boy! You are selfish.
  • When things don’t go the way you plan it, you blow up to shambles (this is me, perfectionist trait). You are selfish.
  • When you isolate your family in order to protect your own interest. You are selfish. 
I learned that if you refuse to be honest about it, you can’t see the change you desire.
Let me tell you what Christians don’t say often. Just because you go to church doesn’t mean your struggles disappear. 
Folks that are in Church are some of the “sickest” people on earth. If most of us would gladly fall at Jesus’ feet for help before raising our hands in worship, oh! what a Church that would be!

YOU and I could never be unselfish without asking to be filled with the HOLY SPIRIT. You’ll see that yesterday doesn’t cover today and today doesn’t cover tomorrow. If you prophesy from now till eternity and blast in tongues or see visions, it doesn’t remove your selfish nature, you still need to humbly ask for the Holy Spirit’s help and learn the change. Learn from those that are better than you. 

Please share and bless someone today

Kemi Gwan