Sunday, December 3, 2017

THE R-CLOUD...



Hubz and I have been married for two years now and I think I have earned a small license to tell some married couple jokes. Lol. Thankfully we are both romantics, so we both can tell you, it’s not always picture perfect. There are many “cut” moments on this journey, so let’s laugh a little. 

The front that a marriage has to put up sometimes in the name of romance is crazy, especially for newly weds. It is not necessarily a requirement but every marriage probably finds itself wobbly at the game of romance everyday. Thank God John and I are way past that or I should say I grew up and I am way past that now😆. 

I would say I am a romantic. Before now, I’d spent most of my time in the R-cloud. 😂😂. Sometimes, I still do but I don’t require my charming King to sweep me off my feet any more. I love romantic comedies, and of course I’d laugh and cry at any given opportunity. 
Hubz and I are criers 🙈🙈😂😂. One of our fine romantic moments when we were dating, was when we watched “The fault in our stars.” We cried and held each other so much. I knew he was my soulmate after that beautiful euphoria.

Did Hollywood do all that? 😅

The actors are great, but we can’t blame them for doing their jobs perfectly. They make you fall in love with love.

Romance is great and a vital part of the relationship two people experience. Even friendships experience romance. So do businesses obviously. 
The dictionary has an interesting informal description of romance: 

"to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness: He's currently romancing a very attractive widow."

"to court the favor of or make overtures to; play up to: They need to romance the local business community if they expect to do business here."

The formal meaning is fiction, a novel. A tale out of this world, which explains what I call the R-cloud experience. 

When we get into relationships, we realize our expectations are far fetched. Unfortunately, some people lose out on great relationships because of unrealistic expectations. Expectations are great, but how do you react when your expectations are not met?

Like I wrote above about my hubz and I, we have now been officially married for two years and I find that in our real movie, we get to decide freely what our romance is. I remember during one of our counseling sessions(yes, we have those 😜), our counselor had asked us to describe what romance is to each of us and then swap notes. 

What I find romantic isn’t what my husband find romantic and so we need a balance. 

What do you find romantic? 

As a person, you are going to have to make a conscious effort to highlight the reality of some of the things you are asking for. 

Take for instance, I have a new baby(14 months old in few days) who has refused or let’s just say... we have both refused to stop breastfeeding. I am a mom for the second time and this is a totally different experience. I enjoy breastfeeding him, but anyhow, this has allowed for reduced romance in our marriage. 
We now even call each other Daddy and Mommy, which I detest. We can’t be the only ones experiencing this phase. 😂😂. 

If we’re not careful, what could happen is: built up expectations could cause you to start resenting your spouse instead of growing, understanding and making the best use of the situation to create romance. 

We threw my son a party yesterday and I tell ya, my hubby and I were so romantic that I felt special. I was genuinely happy that we weren’t putting up a front but we were just so relaxed in our minds that there was room for few kisses and hugs here and there. 

In movies, romance is planned and executed, but in reality, romantic experience is “created”. An example is: Bickering about everything would tear you apart rather than draw you closer. Fighting each other less would gradually create romance between you two, it would draw up understanding and draw you closer and that’s “romance created”. 
In other words, I no longer think of romance as an occurrence in an instant, that leaves me feeling “lovey dovey”, even though that’s part of it; but it’s a state-of-being that’s created out of a mutual understanding.

You could have two couples who have no children but are not romantic. They could go on dates, project an image of being in love; like hold hands, and yet not be romantic. I have found that the mind is associated with our feeling of romance and just like sex, it needs to be unclogged to feel and experience romance. 

The upside of romance is that it’s endless if the atmosphere is kept up. You not only benefit your mind and your spouse’s, but your children’s as well. It’s like acting out a real Hollywood romance in real life. 
The downside however, is if anything were to happen to these movie idols you have created, the children could be heart broken and find it hard to believe in love. Some children lose faith in marriage or romance all together while some grow up and accept life as it comes. 

So what grade would you give your expectations in the romantic department? 
Is your head so far in the clouds that you’re desperately in need of finding a balance? 
Or are you the complete opposite?

I would honestly advise everyone out there to live life as realistically as possible. Don’t be a fictional princess who in reality would never find a Prince Charming- because life is not a Disney movie. 
A real prince is a real person who feels every real emotion that you do. Don’t lose out on the great relationships around you because of unrealistic expectations. 

With your reality, you get to set the tone of your romance. You get to choose what that is without getting carried away into the R-cloud. 
Don’t worry I had to grow up and so can you!